i have been blogging for three years now.  every now and then i'd change layouts because i'd get bored with it and i wouldn't be inspired to write.  other times, it'll be the blog addy that i'd have to change because my identity have been exposed and moving is inevitable if i wanted to continue writing the way i do.

onewaytrain was something that entered my mind when i was on the way home while nursing a broken heart.  i needed a release of some sort and this came about.  =)  and it went on and on.  of course by then, my broken heart healed and onewaytrain because onewaytrain because i loved taking the train. 

earlier i made a huge boo-boo which would result to me changing blogs or i'll have to stop writing altogether.  no, i'm not going to elaborate on that.  but yes, i'm a bit sad about having to think of another template and having to force myself to write on something that would look completely foreign to me.  but i've always welcomed change.  change can be good.  i really haven't been into writing as much here and a lot of changes have happened to me in the past year anyway, so i shouldn't be all that bad. 

so i guess, that's pretty much it.  i'll be seeing you around.  this is c, taking the last onewaytrain out. 

ps
you might just be interested to know that i stopped riding the train altogether too.

it's funny how people would grow on you unexpectedly.  just like me missing christopher.  i haven't seem him for maybe 6 hours, yet i miss him.  when he's around though, i tend to run away from him because all he wants to do is for me to pick him up and make him sit on my lap while he watches the wiggles. 

then there's him.  i don't know why i'm feeling this way.  i'm not usually like this.  when i spoke with m, he told me it's probably just because i've gotten used to having him around that now that he's busy doing stuff, i'm getting panicky.

of course, there's the ultimate crush.  i seem to be talking to him a lot of times lately.  quite surprising, considering that i've always been trying to avoid calls and messages from him.  =)  and i love love love talking to him.  reminds me of home, really.  it's funny how we'd talk about how we used to hang out and how shy we'd be of each other that we're always watching out what we say or do.  i don't know.  just the idea makes me laugh. 

my sister's starting to pack her stuff for her vacation in london (and scotland).  lately, she's been very vocal about how worried she is that she'll be leaving me behind.  she's worried that i won't be eating right and that since i rarely go out, i might end up dead and the neighbors wouldn't even know about it.  i just laugh when she says so. 

i'm usually okay with being alone.  that's one thing i guess that i have in common with ultimate crush ---- (i finally admitted to having something in common with you, haha.  although i still ahve to say you're quieter than i am)  i'm okay with being alone in the house --- as long as i have my phone, my computer and some music.  it's not something new to me as i have been left alone at the house numerous times when family members would leave the country --- although i have to warn that that's when i also am most of the time not at home and partying elsewhere.  but duh.  it's a few weeks away and i'll be okay.  it's not like i'm 15 years old.  on the contrary, i'm legal age and that should scare the hell out of them knowing that i'll be home alone.

oh.  and i just have to say this, loneliness is a difficult thing to fight. 

and yeah, i miss him.  i'm scared that i'll end up getting tired of missing him.

i feel so lost.  :(

whereas other people dislike the feel of hospitals, i actually like them.  i feel some sort of dislike though about airports.  airports spell goodbye to me.  i remember crying as i board my first solo plane ride.  i cried on my last trip out knowing that i'll be leaving behind friends.  i cried on the trip prior to that one, thinking of some stupid guy i was leaving.  whatever reason i use, as long as it's going to take place in an airport, my tears would just fall voluntarily.

today, as my sister and i dropped off our parents at the airport, i couldn't stop the tears again from falling.  my reasons?  it could be that this has got to be the longest i've stay away from home and that i know it will take a while before i head back to what i used to call my home.  maybe it's because i'm fighting the idea of change.  of me growing up and having to be on my own.  or maybe it's just because i'm scared of not seeing my parents again.

there.  i said it. 

i know, i know it's just 12+ hour plane ride and it's not like they don't take these trips twice, or at times thrice a year.  but they're my parents. and even if i'm as old as i am, i still don't know how i'll pick up the pieces should one of them go.  more so if both of them go at the same time.  i guess it doesn't help that i have this recurring fear everytime i see them off the airport that the plane would malfunction, right?  but i do have that fear every single damn time!

hay.  this is not coming down as a good post.  =(  hopefully, after a few hours, i'll get to hear from my dad letting me know that they got home safe... but until then, i'd still be feeling the way i feel now, scared.   paranoid.  not knowing if i should stay awake and watch for any breaking news.  =( 

just for this night, i'll pray that my guardian angel to leave my side and guard over those who mean the most to me --- my parents.

to e: thanks for dealing with my crap everytime i call you crying on the other line.  thanks for the 11 year friendship.  =)

to m:  thanks for giving me a different perspective.  you're right in telling me that it's not an easy thing for my parents to see me go as well.  =)  you're good to my psyche. 

as of late, i have tons (when i say tons, i mean TONS) of magazines, books and those little instruction manuals that i have to read.  i also have a lot (and when i say, a lot, you know what i mean) of DVDs stacked up on my desk.  i seems to have had a sudden impulse to do a marathon of west wing.  well, i try to.  but everytime i sit down, fully intent on watching it, i all of a sudden think of something more important to do --- like maybe read those manuals and stuff.

and to think i was thinking of writing down what had happened to me in LA.  i had tons of kuwento in mind to blog about.  but since a lot has happened since that LA trip, let me just summarize it down to a few sentences if i can.

went to LA.  met up with e.  had early dinner with e.  did some touristy thing with e and eM.  went home to change.  went out for couple of drinks.  saw this cute-cute (really cute) guy at the bar.  went to another bar.  had a couple of shots.  danced my ass off.  had another couple of shots.  danced again.  watched the mechanical bull --- was too drunk to try it out, thank God, e forgot.  had early breakfast, 3am. went home.  had to wake up at 5am.  threw up inside e's car.  =(  was so embarassed at this point that i couuld just die.  but e was such a doll having said that it only means that i had a good time --- which is so true.

okay.  now LA's out of the way.  =)

this week is proving to be such a drag week as compared to last week's busy couple of days.  not that i'm complaining.  it's just that i'm so not used to not doing something productive.  it's like i sit in front of the pc when i can.... but most of the time, i'm doing something that's senseless which frustrated me even more. 

hay.  i can't wait to start doing that work for r.  =)