whereas other people dislike the feel of hospitals, i actually like them.  i feel some sort of dislike though about airports.  airports spell goodbye to me.  i remember crying as i board my first solo plane ride.  i cried on my last trip out knowing that i'll be leaving behind friends.  i cried on the trip prior to that one, thinking of some stupid guy i was leaving.  whatever reason i use, as long as it's going to take place in an airport, my tears would just fall voluntarily.

today, as my sister and i dropped off our parents at the airport, i couldn't stop the tears again from falling.  my reasons?  it could be that this has got to be the longest i've stay away from home and that i know it will take a while before i head back to what i used to call my home.  maybe it's because i'm fighting the idea of change.  of me growing up and having to be on my own.  or maybe it's just because i'm scared of not seeing my parents again.

there.  i said it. 

i know, i know it's just 12+ hour plane ride and it's not like they don't take these trips twice, or at times thrice a year.  but they're my parents. and even if i'm as old as i am, i still don't know how i'll pick up the pieces should one of them go.  more so if both of them go at the same time.  i guess it doesn't help that i have this recurring fear everytime i see them off the airport that the plane would malfunction, right?  but i do have that fear every single damn time!

hay.  this is not coming down as a good post.  =(  hopefully, after a few hours, i'll get to hear from my dad letting me know that they got home safe... but until then, i'd still be feeling the way i feel now, scared.   paranoid.  not knowing if i should stay awake and watch for any breaking news.  =( 

just for this night, i'll pray that my guardian angel to leave my side and guard over those who mean the most to me --- my parents.

to e: thanks for dealing with my crap everytime i call you crying on the other line.  thanks for the 11 year friendship.  =)

to m:  thanks for giving me a different perspective.  you're right in telling me that it's not an easy thing for my parents to see me go as well.  =)  you're good to my psyche.