my name is boO bear.  and these are my adventures.

yipee! i was told that we're going for a ride.	i'm all packed up and ready to go.

	i like riding in the  front though i can't quite see the road.
guess where i'm at?   in n' out!  :)  i love them burgers.

okay.  so that was tiring.  
i'll go nite-nite now!
i'll see you on my next adventure.

i might actually have a direct line to God.  apparently, when i wrote my last post, He was listening or maybe even read my blog because i just got word this morning that the vegas trip got cancelled.   which is good really because i wasn't so hot about vegas anyway.  and vegas being cancelled just means i get to stay another day in LA.  yes, i have already envisioned myself riding that mechanical bull and i'm ready to conquer it actually provided i am drunk so as to find the nerve to do so.  :)  

anyway, i spent the first four hours of the day (that's 12:00-4:00am) in my bed,  staring at the ceiling, listening to the whirl of the ceiling fan, wondering if any minute it will come crashing down and slice up my body.  needless to say, the lack of sleep caused me to snap at the people who woke me up around 7:50am.  and i have been awake since then.  cranky since then.  

my back still hurts.  if only i can consciously stop myself from slouching.   or if i can just have a monitor installed on the ceiling so i can just stare up while i lay in bed --- that would be good too.  good news is that my body's not aching anymore.  :)    the ibuprofen did wonders, i say so myself. e's right in saying i ought to concentrate than in trying to save the world.  i just seem to be good in helping out others than myself.  maybe when you're not in that certain situation you end to think clearly as when you're not?

hay.  i can't wait for it to be saturday.  alcohol, here i come!  :)  

tomorrow will mark the last day before the beginning of a hectic week for me.   although it seems as though i'm taking a vacation since i'm heading south, i'm not.  hell, if it were up to me, i wouldn't even be going anywhere this week.  i much rather just stay at home and worry myself to paranoia and eventually death. 

anyway, saturday's LA.  i already told e that it doesnt' take much to make me happy --- happy in a sense that one would think i'm high.  =)  seriously, all i want is to drown in alcohol while singing i will survive.  that and evanescence's my immortal.  but apparently, that's not good enough for e.  she's adamnant on making me ride a mechanical bull.

c: e!  just stuff me in your closet with a drink on hand, flicker the switch on and off and i'll be content with that. 
e: ano ka ba?!  i'm going to make you ride the bull.  we're going to paint the town red! 
c: wtf?! 

then sunday is going to be vegas.  vegas baby, vegas!  "what happens in vegas, stays in vegas"  but given that i have my sister in tow, it would have to be changed to "what happens in vegas will haunt you for the rest of your life."  i also have plans of drowning myself in alcohol --- anything just to have the delusion that i can stop time. 

monday's the new sunday.  a day of pahinga.  my only day of pahinga, so it seems.   but the day of pahinga doesn't start until we get to sacramento.   which means a really really long drive.  so my day pf pahinga would probably end up to be a couple of hours sleep at the most.

tuesday would be a sleepover at k's.  also the official start of my catatonic days.  [mental note: remind k about this and then call t.h.]  just need to go over stuff with k and in that way, we can hitch a ride for wednesday.

wednesday.  wednesday is wednesday.  the big day.  the day that might as well be dubbed, the most important day of my life.  'nuff said.  

hopefully after this, i'll get to blog again.  rant, rave, whatever.  but just as hoping that i'll get to survive the week.  wish me luck.

so e and i were talking.  about saturday.  about going clubbing.  about hanging out.  about them troubles.  and about what the best way to go about it.  and it got me thinking.  about sacrifices.  about priorities.  about what's right and what's wrong.  about being friends.  about contentment. 

this is what i came up with.  that maybe i need to give some to win some. 
that i may need to give up the only person who's been making me smile.

but that's the funny thing about the situation.  i don't want to lose him.  he's become such a trusted confidante and losing him would mean losing a lot more than what i'm ready to give up. 

all i want is to happen is to just not be in this roller coaster situation.  i want to be stop being okay one day and not being okay the next.  i want to be in a better place.  if only we can work that one out.

i wonder at times how long i can stay in this situation.  of not knowing where i stand in your life.  or of knowing that i can never really be a part of your life.  i guess that's what hurts most.

would you even see through my fake smiles that i'm hurting? 

and then i wonder, would that move you?  probably not.  this is as good as it gets, right? 

=(